Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Derivative Teller To get to the other side.
Douglas Adams Forty-two.
Adersen Consultant Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competetive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use it's skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message, and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
Aristotle It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Aristotle To actualize its potential.
Neil Armstrong One small step for the chicken -- one giant leap for the flock.
Aristotle Because one chicken cannot be more chicken than another.
W.H. Auden To ask the hard question is simple.
F. Lee Bailey The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time and who did we overlook in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Baldrick It had a cunning plan.
Roseanne Barr (Urrrrrp) What chicken?
Beavis Look, a chicken crossing the road - he, hehe - it's going to get squashed - hehe - yeah!, squashed, YEAH! - ehhe!
Ludwig von Beethoven What? Speak up!
Aneurin Bevan We know what happens to chickens who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
Humphrey Bogart Of all the roads in the world, she had to cross mine....
Humphrey Bogart "Here's looking at you, chick!"
Brian To look on the bright side of life.
Pat Buchanan To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Pat Buchanan Clearly that road was one of many roads, too many roads that lead right past the border patrol and right into the overburdened heartland of America.
Buddha Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
Buddha Therefore, on the road there is no chicken, no road, nor perception of the road, nor impulse to cross it, nor consciousness of the road, no feathers, no beak, no clawed feet, no chicken. No road no chicken no crossing... only the great prajnaparamita of the empty form of chicken and the empty form of the road, and that emptiness; gone, gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond.
"But, O Buddha," said Sariputta, "what is that crossing the road before us at this moment?"
And the great One replied, "A chicken, Sariputta."
"But why, O great One, does it cross the road?"
"To get to the other side, Sariputta."
George Bush sr. To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
George Bush r. We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
George Bush jr. It will be a long crossing that is for sure, and we ask all pedestrians and automobiles for their patience as it crosses the road. But make no mistake about it, it WILL cross the road! It will prevail!
George Bush jr. He was trying to evade the issue; we know he's got weapons of mass destruction hidden somewhere.
Albert Camus One cannot be a part-time chicken.
Albert Camus It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Thomas Carlyle I don't pretend to understand the Universe...it's a great deal bigger than I am.
Julius Caesar To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide To cultivate its garden.
Jackie Chan Because crossing the road wasn't a big stunt. I save my energy for the BIG stunts.
Chaos Theory Given a complex enough road, it is impossible to predict how the chicken will cross, but an unpredictable pattern of orders may be spontaneously generated in the otherwise random crossings of all chickens everywhere.
P.M. Chicken Because this is what I've always done.
Bll Clinton I'm going to say something important, and I'll say it again to make sure you understand. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.
Bill Clinton I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Bill Clinton Well the way I see it that road wasn't just a road -- it was the next step on a journey of hope -- a bridge to the 21st century.
Bill Clinton No one has ever offered one shred of evidence that the chicken went anywhere near the road. Anyway, answering this question will not educate a single child or provide a single senior citizen with medical care.
Bill Clinton I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken!
Bill Clinton What the chicken does in his private life is his own business
Bill Clinton I have no recollection of exposing myself to this chicken, although it may be a possibility inasmuch as I regularly adjust, lower or remove my pants in the course of normal grooming or hygienic routine, and this chicken may have been inadvertently included on one such occasion. I do, however, deny that I then directed this chicken to perform anything that would fall outside her normal duties and shake her so much as to compel her to cross the road.
Bill Clinton Now, I will admit that while I was governor of Arkansas, I saw a lot of chickens. However, I do not know this chicken. This chicken is simply trying to gain some attention in professing to have crossed this road. This presidency will not be respond to, nor be affected by, any of the lies that this chicken concocts.
Bill Clinton Did some one say Chicken McNuggets?
Johnny Cochran The chicken didn't cross the road. It was planted there by the police as part of a conspiracy to frame the species!
Johnny Cochran The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Howard Cosell It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador Dali The Fish.
Charles Darwin It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Charles Darwin Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
Charles Darwin Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
Stockwell Day I pray for this chicken, as surely as I pray for all godless heathens who refuse to share my beliefs in total. And I am not saying this because I am a sanctimonious prig, but because I surely believe that yeah, although the chicken has crossed the Road of Death, he is still in danger of falling into the Frying Pan of Hell if he does not cross back to the good, the moral, the Right side of the road -- mine.
Jacques Derrida Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Rene Descartes It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Emily Dickinson Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan How many roads must a chicken cross before you call it a chicken?
Clint Eastwood To make my day
Albert Einstein Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
T.S. Eliot Chicken-kind cannot bear very much reality.
RAalph Waldo Emerson The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.
Epicurus For fun.
Rev. Jerry Falwell Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".
Louis Farrakan The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
Basil Fawlty Oh, don't mind the chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Pierre de Fermat I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Sigmund Freud The fact that you are all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Sigmund Freud As an expression of the repressed desire to have sex with its mother. The road symbolizes the barrier presented by the cultural taboo.
Robert Frost To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Bll Gates I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which is utterly safe and stable, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999 but that's we use our own standard, if you wnat to use an other standard you will have to what for an updat which will be released soon.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Al Gore Only one chicken? The rest of the chickens need to be counted also!
Al Gore To get ... to the other ... side.
Stephen Jay GouldIt is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Grandpa In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Werner Heisenberg Eventually even indirectly observing the chicken cross the road will effect the outcome of the crossing in some way.
Werner Heisenberg We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain.
Herodotus Another story that is told among the Cimmerians is this, that in past times Chickens, and in particular that one Chicken, who was called Misgetomenos the son of Aidoion, were wont to cross the Road. I myself, however, having seen with my own eyes the Road of the Cimmerians, am convinced that the Road is not, and never was, crossable by Chickens, nor yet by Misgetomenos.

The Road is in appearance wondrous, and unlike any other thing in the world. It is a straight, flat band, made of a material that the Cimmerians call "asphalt" (which in the Cimmerian language means, "asphalt.") It is possessed of two yellow lines, being both in the center of the band, such that the center itself is between the yellow lines, and is black. As it is wide, dirty, and not seemly in the matter of U-turns, I am of the opinion that no Chicken ever crossed it.

There are three stories which are told about Misgetomenos the son of Aidoion, of which the following is in my opinion the most probable, the others being, so it would seem, completely untrue. This is that Misgetomenos was not a Chicken at all, but rather a slave who, charged with the painting of crosswalks, was called by the name of "Tsicken," which, in the Greek language, means "chicken.

There is, however, a different tale which is told of the son of Aidoion, and this I heard from the Greeks who live in Asia. This I will recount, though I do not believe it. This is that Misgetomenos was, in fact, a Chicken; further, that he did cross the Road of the Cimmerians, simply for this reason: that he might get to the Other Side.

Sir Edmund Hillary Because it was there.
Hippocrates Because of an excess of phlegm in it's pancreas.
Adolph Hitler Because it needed living space
Douglas R. Hofstadter To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
David Hume Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Steve Jobs Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically. This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development. iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.
Carl Jung The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Immanuel Kant Chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Immanuel Kant The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history
John F. Kennedy Er ist ein Wegkreuzer
John F. Kennedy Ask not what road this chicken crossed. Ask what road you can cross for that chicken.
Martin Luther King, jr. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
Kindergarten Teacher To get to the other side.
Rodney King Why can't the chicken just cross the road?
Captain James T. Kirk To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Stan Laurel I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Bruce Lee That's because even a chicken knows how to be like water -- you don't just cross the road, you become the road.
Timothy Leary Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Gotfried von Leibnitz In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Abraham Lincoln Four chickens and twenty eggs ago....
John Locke Because it was exercising its natural right to liberty.
Machiavelli The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Machiavelli So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Groucho Marx Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability.
Karl Marx To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Karl Marx To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Perry Mason I don't know, but I intend to find out. Della, get Paul on the phone for me.
John Milton To justify the ways of God to men.
Moses Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Moses And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?!
Ralph Nader The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
NATO We cannot have chickens wandering over the roads whenever they feel like it.
Afred E. Neuman What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Sir Isaac Newton It is the law of chicken reaction - for every chicken that crosses over to the other side, there must be an equal and opposite crossing back to this side.
Jack Nicholson Cause it f***ing wanted to. That's the f***ing reason.
Friedrich Nietzsche Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Friedrich Nietzsche The chicken crossed the road, but it will take time for the consequences of the chicken's actions to be felt by the common chicken.
Richard M. Nixon The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. This isn't about roads and chickens. I don't think you quite understand that what you believe I may have meant isn't what you think I said.
Oliver North National Security was at stake.
Occam's Razor Given two equally proveable and equally probable chicken crossings, the simpler of the two is generally the true crossing.
George Orwell Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Thomas Paine Out of common sense.
Ross Perot Now I'm glad you asked that question. Take a look at this graph, you see? Here's some of our American chickens. Over here we got some of them Japanese chickens. Now are you listening to me? It's just as plain as the nose on my face.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard To make it so
Plato For the greater good.
Colin Powell This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.
Pyrrho the Skeptic What road?
Quantum Logic This chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.
Ayn Rand It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
Ronald Reagan I forget.
General Relativity Mathematically there is no difference between saying that the General Relativity Chicken has crossed over the road, or that the road has crossed underneath the General Relativity Chicken. Either can be proven.
Special Relativity Cannot cross the road faster than the speed of light, and will presumably gain more mass and therefore distort time to a greater degree the faster it crosses.
Gene Roddenberry To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Edward Said In the context of neo-colonialism, the larger question which invites our attention is, what structures, paradigms, discourses, narratives, idées recus, etc. acted (in numerous conjunctions varying widely in function as well as intent) to give the chicken the kind of status, identity, and legitimacy which led to the possibility of its crossing the road now, which itself arose from the virtual impossibility of its have crossed the road in any era previous to the present one?
Colonel Sanders I missed one?
Sappho Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.
Jean-Paul Sartre In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Arnold Schwarzenegger He was too quick for me to ask....but 'he'll be back!'
Dana Scully There has to be a scientific explanation for it.
Dana Scully It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Jerry Seinfeld Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever ask 'What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?'
H.G. Selfridge The chicken is always right.
William Shakespeare I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
William Shakespeare O chicken, chicken! wherefore art thou chicken?
Walter Shitman To cluck the song of itself.
O.J. Simpson It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
B.F. Skinner Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Socrates Nothing can harm a good chicken.
The Sphinx You tell me.
Spinoza Because chicken is a social animal. Desire is the very essence of chicken.
Mr. Spock "This is illogical! There is no scientific basis for its crossing."
Joseph Stalin I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omelette.
R.L. Stevenson To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
Oliver Stone The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Sirs William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan To verify through measurement and research explorational, Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational. And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal, To be the very model of a modern chicken-general.
Sun Tzu This is a tactical deployment of chicken forces to gain strategic advantage within the enemy terrain.
John Sununu The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Swedish Chef Héééére, chickie, chickie!
Mr. T If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Alfred Tennyson Because 'tis better to have crossed the road and lost than never to have crossed the road at all.
Margaret Thatcher There was no alternative.
Mark Twain The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Henry David Thoreau To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Alvin Toffler Because the chicken was suffering from future shock
J.R.R. Tolkien The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.
Thomas de Torquemada Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Darth Vader Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
Voltaire I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
Barbara Walters Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
John Wayne 'Cause a chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do.
Mae West I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
E.O. Wilson Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioral trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.
Ludwig Wittgenstein The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Stevie Wonder Chicken, what chicken?
William Wordsworth To have something to recollect in tranquility.
William Wordsworth And five times did I say to him 'Why, chicken, tell me why?'.
Malcolm X Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.
Yoda No chicken! Only chicken in your mind.
Henny Youngma Take this chicken ... please.
Zeno of Elea To prove it could never reach the other side.

Why did the elephant cross the road? Because the chicken had a day off.